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自由联盟 - 婚谁百年2046

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    转载----婚前思考题

    5北极白狐 2012-08-28 16:29
    写在前面的话:我必须允许自己原谅我。因为我在一边写着论文,一边翻着《哲学的慰藉》,耳朵里还听着老万的民谣,猛然间就瞟见这么一个题目----“婚前思考题”。marriage这个词对我来言,稍微过早。但是,对于今天这样一个两性及社会都如此复杂的时代,下述题目很中肯。
    看很久的美剧,读很久的书,学很久的英语,爱很久的文化和人。可是,原来我们真的是一知半解。也许,通过下面的问题,你可以管中窥豹,得到你想要的答案在,做对合适的选择,完善你的人生。
     
     
    婚前思考题------来自 http://9.douban.com/site/entry/157060838/
     
    基本问题
     我们为什么要结婚?
     作为夫妻,我们要在生命中得到什么?
     你觉得我们在三,四十年后将会做什么?
     你喝酒的频率高吗?
     你打过人吗?
     你是否觉得忠于对方非常重要?为什么重要或不重要?
     你有犯罪纪录吗?
     你愿意去做更换卫生间厕纸这类事吗?

    自我形象
     你如何描述自己?
     你觉得我怎样看你?
     我易妒忌吗?
     我对对方有信任问题或不安全感吗?
     被人肯定对我有多重要?
     我会对待别人的赞美吗?
     你爱的语言是什么?
     你觉得我善于倾听吗?
     你觉得了解一个人的生理和心理健康史重要吗?

    爱的语言
     
    肯定的话语
    比如你赞美伴侣外表是多么迷人,或她的晚餐作得多么美味…这些话语都会帮助建立爱人的自我形象或信心。 

    共处的时间
    某些伴侣喜欢通过一起共度时光,一起做事,或把彼此作为中心来表达爱意。如果你的伴侣喜欢这种表达爱的方式,那么马上关了电视,给她一心一意的关注。

    礼物
     赠送礼物是人们的普遍文化。大家未必要花费巨资去发送强烈的爱的信息。如果一个非常享受获赠礼物的伴侣,在生日或重要纪念日没收到礼 物,或伴侣从没赠送过礼物给她,她会感觉被忽视或不被爱。

    侍奉的行为
    发现你如何才能最好地为你的伴侣做些事情,需要时间和创造力。这些侍奉的行为,诸如吸尘,喂鸟,种植花园等,需要开心地去做,作为爱的礼物给对方。
     身体的接触
     有时候只需爱抚爱人的背,握住她的手,或在她的脸颊轻轻一吻就会满足这种需要。
    家庭背景
     你的童年是怎样的?
     你的家庭充满亲情吗?
     你觉得我们在回家度假时,会和你的家庭产生问题吗?
     你从你的家庭中有什么价值观念可以带到我们的小家中?
     对于你的家庭,你喜欢/不喜欢什么?
     对于我的家庭,你喜欢/不喜欢什么?
     对于你父母的婚姻,你喜欢/不喜欢什么?
     对于我父母的婚姻,你喜欢/不喜欢什么?
    家庭事务
     你会清洁卫生间吗?
     我们怎么来分配家庭事务?
     你希望我们如何度过闲暇时光?
     你想怎样来度过非工作日?
     你觉得我们应该一起做一件事情吗?
     我们可以各自追求自己的兴趣爱好吗?
     你需要独处的时间吗?
     如果我想时不时和朋友们过夜,你会感觉怎么样?
     我们怎么保证我们共处的时间呢?

    钱财
     我们可以讨论钱财问题吗?
     赚钱了,你习惯把它存好还是花掉?
     你想有个预算吗?
     我们应该有个共同账户还是独立账户,还是两者都要?
     家里帐单谁负责去及时支付?
     你认为每年去看电影或度假是必要的,还是一种奢侈?
     我们负债多少,我们的资产是什么?
     我们的钱会流向何处?
     我们的财务目标是什么?
     你有任何未偿罚款或债务吗?
     对于买房,我们未来有什么计划?
     我们都知道重要的财务资料放在什么地方了吗?


     我们以前发生过性关系吗?
     如果有,我们是否悔过并原谅彼此了?
     如果有,我们做过医学检测确保我们都没有感染性病,或艾滋病?
     你怎么看这些问题?
    孩子
     你想有孩子吗?
     我们要孩子吗?
     结婚多久后我们准备要孩子?
     你认为自己会是什么样的家长?
     你的育儿哲学是什么?
     我们有孩子后,是否需要一个人留在家中?
     如果我们想推迟或避免要孩子,应采取哪类保护措施?
     你怎么看待堕胎?
     你有孩子了吗? 
    决定
     我们如何一起做决定?
     我们都愿意面对困境,或我们会尽力避免冲突吗?
     你觉得我们的关系,存在需要在婚前处理好的问题吗?
     我们可以处理好冲突吗?
     我们有什么不同?
     你觉得我们的不同处,会在我们的婚姻中引起问题吗?
     你希望我改变吗?
     我们都能彼此原谅吗?
     
    原文:
    Questions to Ask Before Getting Married
    GENERAL QUESTIONS
     Why are we getting married?
    What do we as a couple want out of life?
    What do you think we'll be doing in thirty or forty years?
     How often do you drink?
     Have you ever hit someone?
    Do you think it is important to be faithful to one another? Why/why not?
    Do you have a criminal record?
    Are you willing to replace the toilet tissue roll?
    SELF IMAGE
    How would you describe yourself?
    How do you think I see you?
    Am I a jealous person?
    Do I have trust issues or feel insecure?
    How important is affirmation to me?
    Do I handle compliments well?
    What is your love language?
    Do you think we listen to one another well?
    Do you think it is important to know one another's physical and mental health histories?
    LOVE LANGUAGE
    Words of Affirmation
    This is when you say how nice your spouse looks, or how great the dinner tasted.
    These words will also build your mate's self image and confidence.
    Quality Time
    Some spouses believe that being together, doing things together and focusing in on one another is the best way to show love. If this is your partner's love language, turn off the TV now and then and give one another some undivided attention.
    Gifts
     It is universal in human cultures to give gifts. They don't have to be expensive to send a powerful message of love. Spouses who forget a birthday or anniversary or who never give gifts to someone who truly enjoys gift giving will find themselves with a spouse who feels neglected and unloved.
    Acts of Service
     Discovering how you can best do something for your spouse will require time and creativity. These acts of service like vacuuming, hanging a bird feeder, planting a garden, etc., need to be done with joy in order to be perceived as a gift of love.
     Physical Touch
     Sometimes just stroking your spouse's back, holding hands, or a peck on the cheek will fulfill this need.

     FAMILY HISTORY
    What was your childhood like?
     Was your family an affectionate one?
    Do you think we will have problems with your family during the holidays?
    What values do you want to bring from your family into our marriage?
    What do you like and dislike about your family?
    What do you like and dislike about my family?
    What do you like and dislike about your parents' marriage?
    What do you like and dislike about my parents' marriage?
    HOUSEHOLD CHORES
    Will you clean the toilet?
    How are we going to divide up the household chores?
    What are your expectations about how we will spend our free time?
     How do you want to spend our days off?
    Do you believe that we should be doing everything together?
    Can we each pursue our own interests?
    Do you need time alone?
    How would you feel if I want a night out with my friends now and then?
     How will we make sure we have quality time together?
    MONEY
     Can we talk about money?
     Are you a saver or spender when it comes to money?
     Do you want to have a budget?
     we have a joint account or separate accounts or both?
     Who is going to be responsible for making sure that bills are paid on time?
     Do you consider going to the movies and having a vacation every year a necessity or a luxury?
     How much do we owe in debts and what are our assets?
     Where does our money go?
     What are our financial goals?
     Do you have any outstanding fines or debts?
     What are our future plans for purchasing a home?
     Do we both know where our important financial documents are located?
    SEX
     Have we had sexual relationships before?
     If yes, have we repented and are we forgiven?
     If yes, have we had medical tests done to determine that we are free from sexual diseases such as AIDS?
     How do you feel about these questions?
    CHILDREN
     Do you want to have a child?
     Do we want to have a child?
     How long should we be married before having children?
     What kind of parent do you think you will be?
     What is your parenting philosophy?
     Will one of us stay home after we have children?
     What type of birth control should we use if we want to postpone or prevent parenthood?
     How do you feel about adoption?
     Do you have any children already?
    DECISIONS
     How will we make decisions together?
     Are we both willing to face into difficult areas or do we try to avoid conflict?
     Do you think we have problems in our relationship that we need to deal with before our wedding?
     Do we handle conflict well?
     How are we different?
     Do you think our differences will create problems in our marriage?
     Do you expect or want me to change?
     Can we both forgive?
  • 举报 #4
    北极白狐 2012-09-01 15:37
    业鱼选手: 亲~这帖儿太好了!
    亲,太亲切了。
  • 举报 #5
    首乌 2012-09-02 12:53
    北极白狐: 亲,太亲切了。
    一张嘴...你就知道这是个淘宝魔
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